Thoughts at…morning

Well, this blog entry is started at 3:52 AM. I don’t know what it’s about, or when i’ll finish writing it. I know that I really should go to sleep, but I so don’t want to. And I know that music is the only thing keeping me company right now, because everyone signed offline. I also know that “I Am The Walrus” by The Beatles is a fuckin weird song.

Usually, these blog posts are the ones with the deep insightful thoughts about life. But right now, I don’t have any deep insightful thoughts about life. The music is now Miss Delany by Jacks Mannequin. I don’t always love sharing my thoughts on life. And i’m certainly not very good at the whole deep thinking thing. Not as good as Abi, or Mere, or Blu. Or anyone.

I’m really not good at a lot of things. Well, rephrase. I fail miserably at life. But thats okay. I don’t care that i’m talentless, because I have the things that keep me happy. I have my family, and my friends, and my inside jokes, and my favorite tv shows, and my favorite music. I have my fairly good will power, that kept me offline for the 40 days of lent. I also have those little insignificant things that I sometimes focus my attention on.

But if you think about it, everything is insignificant. Most everything, anyways. Any little bit of the drama that puts you through hell. Or stupid fights, and complaining about something retarted to someone. It drives me so crazy when I hear about the stupidest reasons to be mad at someone, but I don’t really want to hurt anyones feelings. Especially the feelings of my friends; I seriously care about them. So I keep my mouth shut, and allow people to continue complaning.

I can understand sensible ranting, about true issues. People have this way of driving themselves in to this closet in their mind, and the closet is plagued with things like anger, and depression, and loss, and any other adjective that is unhappy, that i’m missing. And in this closet, the door is always locked.

Everyone has their own methods of picking the lock on the door. Some choose to vent and rant to people. Some write about it in their diary, or perhaps a blog. Some ignore everything around them in this closet, and choose to sit in a corner of it. Whatever works for ya.

Me? I tend to do all three. Or doing silly tasks, like if your mad at someone, writing their name on a piece of paper and ripping it to shreds. No one gets hurt, and I end up feeling slightly better. I’ve also found that screamo music blasting in your ears so you can’t think, helps too.

And most of that is so insignificant. If you truely think about it, there are so many more problems in the world that our things of drama don’t even pale in comparison to. There is so much hunger around us, and everyone is to caught up in their lives to notice. Which is perfectly okay, I mean, people have some fuckin busy lives. And I’d be a hypocrite if I said that I didn’t have problems that I ususally focused my attention on. But sometimes, I stop and think about that, and I realize how unimportant they are. But then, something breaks my train of thoughts and i’m right back like everybody else. Usually, sleep breaks my train of thoughts. I do most of my thinking before I go to sleep…

It’s 4:24, and i’ve run out of things to say. But i’m going to keep trying, because if ‘I’m talentless’ could turn in to those few tiny paragraphs, then perhaps I can keep going.

I really am talentless. But, and I have no idea how this is connected, I’ve realized ask any you shall recieve is quite a true statement. I realize how insanely shallow that sounds, but what i’m saying is if you ask for something, it’ll eventually come. You just have to be really patient, and it usually isn’t what you were expecting. But, nevertheless, what you ask for does come.

Wow, a ton of people are probably going to disagree with that last paragraph. But i’m just writing about my expirence, and thats what i’ve found.

So, i’ve decided to start blasting screamo music; Alesana. But i’m sure you’re totally interested in that.

Well, now it’s 4:32, and i’m gonna stop writing for now. At least, stop writing about this topic, whatever this topic actually is. Well, whatever it is, it’s grown really really dull….